Welcome to the Bip Report.
"Yesterday's Report"
It turns out, yesterday's report was one of the most highly replied to Report's ever. I wonder why, huh? Well, I thank you all for showing concern about the situation. I consider myself safe, however, because a) Fang cannot beat me, b) If I beat Fang, I will keep him taped throughout the night, so as to ensure no retaliation, c) I am in UCJuCo, remember? I live in the fricking Telegraph Ghettos. We have no RA. I'm thinking no one cares. d) It probably wouldn't get too out of hand, since there are other people here. This is why my original thought to beat him, is reduced to hazing. If I started seriously hurting him, most likely people would hold me back. People would hold me down if I was killing Fang too much.
"Kink in the Plan"
However, there is an unexpected occurence that may alter the plan. Remember yesterday when I said Fang's best defense was to make me have a heart attack from anger? Well, apparently he has another defense.
"A Three and a half page apology"
That's right. Fang wrote a three and a half page apology to me for lipping. He explains why he was angry, and even asks for suggestions on how he may improve so his next room mate won't hate him so much.
I was beside myself. I didn't know what to do. Clearly this would have to reduce the punishment, but in what way? Now I look like the bad guy if I do something. Of course, need I remind everyone about his past actions? Most notable to me is the destruction of that house. I mean, my house got egged once, and I was pissed about that. But for everything in the house to be destroyed, and spray painted? That is a serious crime.
Since Fang has apologized to me, I feel my dispute with him is, for now, somewhat abated. I mean, I don't like his hygiene, but that's no reason to beat someone up. Especially now that he gives me the open invitation to correct it. I plan to write him a letter, in the style of a Bip Report, that fully disses his hygiene, study habits, etc. Actually, Nolan has pointed out to me that it may be better to one day sit him down, and lecture him about it. After that, if he is pissed, I get pissed, and say, "You asked me for suggestions!" If he continues getting mad, this is enought to let the plan live on. If not, then the plan cannot be enacted.
"Alternate Thought"
So for now, I cannot beat Fang based on what he has done to me. I can, however, act as the police of the world. He broke some laws, and was never made to pay for his actions. I am the new law. What I says goes, and I can show him what happens when the laws are broken. I can take the role of moral enforcer/punisher. This is an alternate idea.
"Super Saiyan Bip"
Or, I could just totally disregard his letter. I could glare at him, pick up the letter, and rip it to pieces. Then reaffirm it is not over. With much anger, things would be done.
"Possible Theory"
I'm wondering why Fang thought to write this letter. It is more or less saving his ass. I acknowledge Fang's amazing ability to survive. The one thing Fang excels in is surviving. Somehow, he defies all logic, and despite his amazing shortcomings, manages to avoid having anything bad happen to him. Despite being an idiot, he is in Berkeley. Despite being a reprehensible person, he succeeds. Despite being lazy, he has a new job. It doesn't make sense, but he knows how to manipulate things to get his way. This letter is a prime example.
But how did Fang know to write it? Is it simply ESP? I think it is possible that Fang might have broken into my computer E-mail, and has read past Reports or something. I don't know. I mean if I'm not in the room, he can turn my comp on, and just read the out box. Also, Fang has this stalker-like quality. Other people inthe floor have made this observation. If you ever mentinon a person, and say something about them, he will remember that s---. He knows all about the Hawaii people at Berkeley. Mike Yang, he knows you. Ward, he knows you. Of course Carey and Greg, he knows you. Gayna, yes. Mona and Mariel, yes. Reese, yes. He knows all sorts of s--- about them, It is scary really. So it is possible that using this sort of ability, he has found out about my plan. I mean, it's the same kind of thoughtwave that would let you do both things.
"By the way"
Oh yeah, and it's the last day of classes. Only finals, and I'm home bound!
Well, this is a lot less angry and psycho Bip Report. This letter has seriously dampened my spirit. I think I will opt for the lecture, in hopes of angering him. I still want to beat him, it's just that now I feel bad doing it so gung-ho. I feel as though he has made peace with me, and I'm a jerk for not accepting. What I could do is, beat him, and then use his own trick against him. After beating him, I do something choke nice for him, like give him a nice going away present. He will be mad, but then his anger will be subdued by this gift. I have an idea of what I could get too. This is an option. If he isn't mad at me, I won't feel like a prick after the beating. But first and formost, I hope to revitalize anger.
Well thats all. Until next time, diamonds are forever, and hopefully, so is the spirit of teh Beat Down.
BIP