Welcome to the Bip Report.
I'm very tempted to have the Friday Bip Report today. The gripes and complaints and observations. But I will have to wait. Today's topic is the rest of Winter.
"My WInters"
Where do I begin? I was born to an overcompensating French prostitute with webbed feet named Chloe. My father was a possesive alcoholic. At times he would get angry and start making outrageous claims like he had invented the question mark.
My Winters were typical. Luge lessons. After Christmas we made meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten. After New Years I would ritualistically shave my testicles. There is really nothing like a shorn scrotum to...okay, I'll stop now.
"Kaka'ako Kitchen"
After my Freakout, I decided that number one on the agenda was going to the Kaka'ako Kitchen. The chicken fried chicken isn't going to eat itself. So, of course, I get on the horn with Milosz and we're off to the Kitchen. We get inside, and we know what we're getting. Tony looks all happy and surprised, "Milo! Biff (as he calls me)! How are you guys doing?" And very casually reaches up and grabs our two free drink cups. Hell yeah.
Chicken Fried Chicken, Tony. Tossed Salad.
We get our drinks with our coffee lids that prevent the ice from coming out. We drop the lemon slice in. We are very much happy.
We eat the chicken fried chicken, and it goes down nice. And the mashed potatoes...they frickin MELT down the throat, and into the stomach.
As usual, me and Milo have some sort of high-intensity conversation. And then Tony brings us two very nice cheesecake looking things. Ahahaha. Very good.
Now it is time to leave. So we hop into the Bipmobile, and are off. Much to Milo's delight, there are no near accidents as we head home. Because we know Milo has saved my life about three times while driving. Jay has saved my life once.
All in all, very good.
"Bust A Groove"
I was introduced to a very good game this Winter. It was called Bust A Groove. The goal is to dance better than your opponent. At first, I sucked. But I improved. I played Kala, and I lost, but I was getting better. Then I went to Mariel's house, and it was over. My latent Bust A Groove powers could be supressed no longer. I freezed, I soloed, I dodged special attacks, and I fever timed. Shorty and the EZ mouse, Hiro, whoever. I was a dance machine. Bust A Groove is a good game.
"Raw"
Every Monday night is Raw Party. Raw Parties include watching Raw, and playing Warzone. You can laugh if you like, but we know it is good. The "Party" part is like irony Basically, when the idea was born years ago by me and Nolan, we were making fun of the "Nitro Party," which WCW encouraged people to send in tapes of. So anyway, Raw Parties are good.
"Getting My Ass Handed to Me in Wrestling"
I realize I am out of shape. When Johnny is kicking my ass, you know that's no good. And when did Yoshioka get good? Tell me Darrin. All of a sudden you're riding legs and doing all technical manuevars. I was impressed.
"Levi"
Ken, this one goes out to you. I assume you must know this by now, but Levi Archaleti won a tournament. While you may be reeling from this most amazing outcome, here is some more info for you. I have yet to solve the logistics of this victory. Think about it. I wrestled Levi in ninth grade in an Intermediate Tournament. I wrestled him again in ninth grade in a JV tournament. So clearly, he must be in ninth grade too. Now I have graduated, yet Levi remains in high school. How is this possible? Levi has apparently failed a grade, and has lived on to wrestle another day. And it's all paying off. Beating Todd was the first step. Now, he is on his way to success. The days of pinning him in 19 seconds are over, Ken. Levi is the name to watch.
"Pokemon"
This is probably the single most thing that occupied my time this winter. Taking Jay's advice, I went ahead and bought Pokemon after Christmas. It'll be fun, he says. Okay. Fine. So I buy it, and now I am hooked. And since there is a cartoon that goes with it, I'm further enmeshed. I like the cartoon now. It is decent as hell. I go to math class, and I watch Pokemon with my little TV. I probably already said this yesterday, but it warrants repeating.
So there you go. That is my winter in a nutshell. No, this is winter in a nutshell.
Help! I'm in a nutshell! What sort of a nutshell is this?
Okay, diamonds are forever, and so is Levi's wrestling career.
BIP