Sorry guys, sorry, (cite Gayna) but it's imitation Bip report for one more
night. Carey, Greg and Reese would like to start off with another
disclaimer about the quality (or lack thereof) of this Bip report. As none
of us has the extreme privilege to actually live with the one and only Fang
Delong, we do not get to see firsthand the many wonders of the amazing Fang.
We have received much feedback from the loyal subscribers to the Bip
Report, and needless to say, the general feeling is "piss poor" <sigh> oh
well, Bipster will be back tomorrow, right after working those midterms.
Speaking of midterms, let's go ask Mike Yang, president of the Cal Hawaii
Club, what he thinks of them. "All I gotta say is that I'm done with my
f**kin' midterms.....hey Carey....something's missing from your right
hand......" (Note...the Bip report does not in any way, shape, or form,
condone the consumption of alcoholic beverages...after all, one need only
look as far as Fang to see the horrible, horrible damages of this activity).
While we're on the subject of the "piss poor," how 'bout them 0-5 'Bows?
I would have to say that even the team from down by the Ala Wai sewer could
probably hold their own with these guys. Mangs for Life..... pleeeze.
Note to Reid and all the other concerned readers: this fine publication
will never stoop so low as to become a product of the mang-land propaganda.
Reid Mizue, down there in the cactus country, would also like to point out
that the mangs fell to Punahou in football 38-35. Or rather, so any mangs
reading this can understand better, 38>35....you lose. On to more
football... Check the standings, folks, and see who's in a tie for first
place in the Pac-10. You got it... and the mascot ain't a tree. We'd like
to give props to the Cal football team, who also, by the way, have just
offered running back Joe Igber a scholarship for next year. Go MAngs!
Hey!...that was Reese. What the fuh? Inappropriate, just plain
inappropriate.We have also recieved a note from Pat Pan, wanting to know "who is this
guy Wei Wang?" Well, Pat Pan, Wei Wang is my (Reese) notorious roommate.
He possess many frighteningly similar characteristics to the one the only
Fang DeeeeLllllllooooonnnggg. If you subtract the drinking, pot smoking,
pelvic thrusts, and trade a couple of feet in height for an extra couple of
feet along the waist you have Wei Wang. Okay Pat Pan?Okay, I (Carey) have a few items to address. Oooooooh, it ain't Bip's
fault, it ain't Bip's fault. I was so demoralized after yesterdays "Bip
Report." Here's the first response I got after sending out the "Bip Report:"Disappointing carey..sorry, but at least i'm being honest. maybe i'm just
used to the original bip report flavor...but nice effort. love, gayna"Now can you tell I had a very demoralizing day?! Sorry Gayna, sorry
sorry. Yes, at least you were honest, and probably reflected a lot of the
subscribers thoughts as well. Well, I'm not here to beg for everyone's
sympathy, or try to redeem myself, cuz just today, I asked the Bipster
himself how he would rate his disappointment of yesterday's "Bip Report,"
out of a scale of 1-10 being the most disapointment. He gave us a 7. Yes,
that hurt. That hurt a lot. But I don't fu--ing care anymore, since this
might be my last time on the "Report." What do I have to lose? I'm just
going to trash Iolani, Bip and whoever I want to. Today, this is my
report, not Bip's, mine.
1. I'm truly sorry to Reid, and all those ppl out there who were offended
by Reese's comment yesterday. Fr-ck, that was so "weak sauce" on my part
for letting that happen. What the h-ll is "weak sauce" anyway?! I heard
this term for "piss poor" in UCLA this past weekend, and all greg and I
have to say is "Piss Poor." Also, has anyone else heard about this
redunkulous idea that you have to be GOING somewhere to be Cruising? What
the fuh? Greg is cruising right next to me right now, and I don't see him
going anywhere! Mind boggling. And no more "hella." Please, I can't stand
this Cali lingo sh-t.2. I also want to make clear something about Fang and Bipster. For all
you out there who have been reading all this crap about Fang being stink,
Bip has failed to mention that he himself hasn't washed his stinky a--
sheets until recently. This guy calls me up and tells me that he
desperately needs to wash his clothes cuz he's on his last pair of
underwear. "Piss poor Bip" Since his laundry mat costs more than mine,
this chang guy asks me to let him into our laundry mat. Once I get there,
I see this guy with a backpack on, three bags overflowing with laundry, yet
more laundry craddled in his arms. Fr-ck bip, don't wait until the last
possible day to do your laundry. You only took up 4 washers. And another
thing, I know you get ice-cream everyday from the DC just to show off your
ice-cream cone filling technique. "Oooooh, wow, that guy makes ice cream
cones sooo good!!" You show off. And you talk about gaining too much
weight. Ever think it's from the ice-cream?! And I don't care if you did
gain 3 measly pounds. You're still ripped, and to go around mumbling, "I
gotta stop eating two entrees, and two deserts," is just unacceptable. wow,
big fat hairy deal...3 pounds, what does that make you 125? oooooohh,
better lay off the food. Better yet, give it to Wei, he'll eat it.
3. Alright, my tirade is pretty much finished. Please don't think any
less of Bip or his Report. I'm just a guest, and these were my opinions.
You'll probably see some rebuttal from Bip in his upcoming Report, so I'll
get smacked down then. Contact me on anything, I am also the unofficial
Mun Reporter here, so if you have questions to ask him, email me at
[email protected] cyazHey Reese here about to address the sensitive issue of "MANGS." For all of
you very intelligent people out there who are quite naive about the species
known as "mangs" we are a dominant race. Watch out we're taking over. Any
questions or comments about "mangs" can be directed to
[email protected]. This will provide you in contact with the fully
operative Mang Services.Okay, okay, that was just Reese, poor, misguided Reese. Despite his
underprivileged background, we'd like to let you all know that he really is
a cool guy. We just have to be compassionate and understanding of his
situation. The Bip Report is a non-discriminatory publication, so please,
no hate mail. Gotta just say that those Cal colors look good on you,
Reese. Well, don't want to drag on, but there is a very good chance that
we will not be ever asked back to do this sort of thing ever again. Sorry
guys, sorry (Gayna), but we have to make the most of our time in the Bip
Report spotlight. So, until next time, diamonds are forever, but
thankfully, these imitation Bip Report writers are not.-Carey, Greg and Reese