Hi everyone. It's the Bip Report again. Today, I can safely say we will have a G-nWo free Bip Report. We will stick to the basics, namely, Fang. There's a coupla good Fang stories I got today. But first...
"Cowboy Fund"
The biggest, most largest, awesomest shout out and mahalo to "Big John" Morioka, and Emily "Kelly's Friend" Ledbetter. Thank you two sooo much. Both of them sent a dollar in to the Cowboy Fund. Let me tell you that no homeless person in Berkeley gets bills, and I think Cowboy won't even know what to do when he sees two in his cup. He's gonna be so happy. Thanks a lot! This is incentive for everyone else. People ARE sending in money, and it will get to Cowboy. It does make a difference. Thanks again.
"MUD"
For you Carey, Evan, and Kory. Scytale=F---er.
"Happy Biiiiiiirthday Dear Mona, Happy Birthday to you!"
Happy Birthday Mona. Tonight, we celebrated Mona's birthday. We cruised. We kicked it. We chilled. Also, Darryl Kunihiro and Brandon "Clutch" Okaneku are at Berkeley. After Mona's party (which featured Ben& Jerry's cake) we went back to my place. Fang was there. And now, I have one of the best Fang stories to date.
"Fang"
On the way home, we met Cody. Cody informed us (us being Greg, Carey, Reese, and the three UOP visitors) that Fang was at home, and he was indeed drunk. The night took a turn for the better. He also told us that Fang might believe he was high. They "smoked out" of Cody's blue bong. "Big Blue" as Fang adoringly calls it. However, there was no pot in the bong. There was nothing in there at all. They just lit air, and let it burn. The plan was to see if Fang would think he was getting high. He did.
"Boones"
When we got in, Fang was semi-drunk. He purchased 4 bottles of Boones. I swiped one. All I gotta say is, kiwi-strawberry or pina colada? Your choice Gayna and Cynthia. I took (and hid) the pina colada. If you want it, just tell me. It's better for Fang that way. All I could think of was "If you like pina colada..." so I picked that one.
"Get down, get down"
In Fang's drunken state, I was finally able to fully exploit him. Yesterday, Fang was sorta grooving to the Timbaland and Magoo CD (say it ain't so Anthony!) He was kinda moving his hands in the beat with Luv 2 Luv U. It might be a Utah thing, but his dancing was comprable to Steve Young's endzone dance in the playoffs last year. Very serious face, combined with small hand movements. It was funny.
Today, I took advantage of drunk Fang. I pumped up the Timbaland, and with everyone there, coaxed Fang into dancing. dun dudu dudu dudu, dun dudu dudu dudu ooooooooo luv 2 luv 2 luv U luv U luv U awoooooooooooo luv 2 luv2 luv U luv U luv U. OOOOOOOooooooooo luv 2 luv 2 luv Uuuuuuuu. Fang started feeling the groove. What happend next will go down as one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life.
Fang started dancing, and my gosh, I couldn't believe my eyes. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, "It was like a full body dry heave set to music." He was gyrating, and shaking, and his hands were flying everywhere! It was similar to the Elaine dance, yet much funnier. He was going crazy! I was dying of laughter inside. Then we decided to really get crazy. We got Fang's favorite, Gangsta's Paradise, and blasted it! He went nuts!!!! It was sooo f---in hilarious. This drunk 6 foot 2 FOB guy trying to dance. There are no words to describe how hilarious this dancing was. Oh my goodness. If I only had a video camera, I would be able to make millions of dollars with this one. His arms were going everywhere! He was flailing about, and bouncing his body up and down. Oh my gosh. Ask Greg or Carey or Reese, or anyone there. My gosh. It was hilarious.
"Shopping Cart"
Actually, this happened before the dancing. I decided to utilize the shopping cart we saw downstairs. When I saw Fang, I told him we were going downstairs to ride a shopping cart. Fang jumped in in a second. The ploy worked. We took him down. I pushed him down the street, and let go. He almost went into a tree, but I stopped him from hitting. I pulled him out of the ditch he went into, and ran him around a nearby parking lot. We turned, and the thing almost tipped over. Fang was squealing like a pig/school-girl and making sounds. I ran over big bumps and he was bouncing about. We turned and turned, and I took him home. I built up speed, and sent him flying down the pavement, but stopped him from hitting these girls standing about. And then I brought him back to the door. The quickness that Fang volunteered to go riding was hilarious. And the actual ride was even more funny. DAmn, now I know why the guys in the hall love him so much.
"You know. Chillin."
And then we just talked with Fang. Just chewed the fat. At one point, he tried to sing really high. I thought that was funny. And the subject came back to girls. He talked about how he was going to go back and hook up with this girl in Utah. He claimed that despite her being Mormon, he would soon have his way. He also said he would get the famed UCLA girl, Jamie Manwarring. Apparently, his relationship with here was a lot more extensive than I originally thought. He actually had some basis for thinking he had chance. Well, in Fang terms. He said he actually kissed her! KISSED HER! FANG! Albeit on the cheek, but damn! That girl better wash her cheek reeeeeeeeeal good, or she's gonna get some nasty s--- growing there.
He declared that if she came up for the game, he would "Be getting some action." Keep in mind there was a girl with us throughout the entire conversation. After this, the others left, and it was me and Fang. Fang went to sleep saying "I need to f---, I need to f---." and "I wanna f--- Jamie, I wanna f--- Jamie." I was quite worried that the matress would be seeing some action from Fang tonight, but fortunately, the alcohol set in, and knocked him out. All in all, today was the most fun I've ever had with Fang. Hopefully, I can do this again next week. It's things like this that make living with Fang bearable.
"UCLA"
Get your own fight song. Get your own mascot. Get your own colors. It looks like the Baby Bear is comin home to big Poppa Bear. And it looks like we're gonna have to lay the smack down in a serious way on some them. And nobody, and the Bip means nobody, is gonna come in here and beat the Golden Bears, tommorow afternoon. Your little team thinks they can come up here, all high and mighty? Well I got news for you jabronies. When you bring it to Cal, you better bring an army, a navy, and a damn air force, or else you're gonna be hitting Rock Bottom real fast, and real hard, if ya smell what I'm cooking!
That's all for today. Until next time, diamonds are forever, and so is the icy hand of manipulation that I now wield over Fang!
BIP