Welcome to the Bip Report.
"December"
Aaaah December. December only means one thing, and we all know what that thing is. The countdown is at 15 days now. But let me address an even more important count-down.
"Fang-down"
The Fang beatdown countdown is set at only 10 days. That's right, Fang will be leaving on the 10th. It is my goal to make sure he leaves with bruises, fractures and/or breaks, and a bloodied up nose and mouth. Here's the plan. On the night of the ninth, I will simply take him outside, and beat the crap out of him in the hallway. I will take his keys to make sure he can't get back in. Now Stone Cold inspired me last night. I'm looking for a nice manhole around the Berkeley/ Telegraph area. However, most sewer lines in Berkeley are with grates, rather than the traditional manhole. Plus I'm severly doubting that I could actually pick one of these manhole covers up. They're frickin pure iron. And Greg and Carey have seen how well I do against metal circles lying flat on the ground, and it ain't that well. So while I would like to throw Fang intot he sewers, I'm thinking it is impossible.
"More Lip from Fang"
Today, Fang has decided to give me more lip. This is simply intolerable, and has only strengthened my resolve to kick his ass come the night of Dec. 9. He was writing some sort of paper, and I was listening to my phat jams (or "beats") on the radio. Fang all of a sudden yelled at me, "Can you turn that down?" I was angry. I turned it down, but later, I just turned it back up. And then I decided to make more noise. I thought the best way to do this was the telephone. That's why I called you Carey. I wanted to talk, and make some noise. After that, I decided to watch the Star Wars trailer again. Full volume. This got him. "Can you turn that down?" HAHAHA. "No. It's almost over." And then I decided to play Starcraft with excessive volume. My zealots were making quite a ruckuss. And the battles? They were frickin bashing and thrashing, and making all kine noise. But Fang never objected to this, so I was disappointed.
"Dec.9"
See, for now, I'm looking for reasons to beat Fang. I can't just go out and do it. So I'm intentionally trying to antagonize him. However, on Dec.9, I won't need a reason anymore. I will begin with a nice bitch-out, and finish with a good pummeling. I think I will get my preliminary try this weekend. Fang has declared he will get drunk this weekend. As he will undoubtedly lose time from this, I will take that oppurtunity to inflict some punishment. I hear from Mr. John Wong that nothing really compares to a good umbrella beatdown around the leg region. I don't want to waste an umbrella, so I will manually take out his legs. I think I'll just ankle pick him, and when he's on the ground, I will pummel his legs with a fury of elbows and fists, thus bruising his legs to such an extent that the next day, he will not be able to walk.
"Skeptism"
I think when you read this, people are split into three different frames of thought. 1) Haha, good joke Bip. You must really hate him. Haha. 2) Bip, you're so full of s---. There's no way you will do this. 3) Bip, you're so mean! I don't believe you would do this to your roommate.
Well let me say that I will take action against Fang. This is not a joke, this is not just talk, and it is not mean, since Fang is clearly a bastard, and has had this coming to him the day he was born. Never have I hated someone so intensly. And that intensity will be taken out in the hall onb Dec.9 or sooner.
"First Degree Ass Whoopin"
As I have clearly planned this out, I clasify this as a first degree ass whoopin. I do not deny this. I will tell you all the outcome of the fight on Dec. 9 Bip Report. Dec. 7 Match-up will feature a special Bip/Fang trailer, so that you can get the gyst of the plan.
"Suggestions"
Please give me suggestions as to what I should do to Fang. I have my game plan set, but if someone has suggestions, I am open-minded. For example, I would liked to have incorporated Stone Cold's idea, but it is far too unrealistic. Think of idea, and send them in.
"Greg says, 'Hi.'"
Kristin, Greg says, "Hi" back to his Uncle. Yes Greg, this is Bip Report worthy material here.
"Jay coming in on Dec.14"
For those of you who will be around in Berkeley (Carey), my cousin, Jay Tanaka, is coming in on the 14th. This is just further proof to my theory that Berkeley is the nexus of tall colleges, and that all students eventually end up at Berkeley. Like what, almost half this list has come to Berkeley, or close to it. I include Reid, Jen, and Doro as coming close to Berkeley, and therefore in Berkeley despite the fact that we were still a good hour away from Berkeley.
Okay. This has been one of the more violent and aggressive Bip Reports. But it is my true feelings coming out. I am turning to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering! For Fang!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH I'm the bad ass with the two frickin lightsabers coming out of one thing, and I will be using that to lay the smack down on Mister Zhou! AHAHAHAHA. So until next time, diamonds are forever, and so is Fang's day of reckoning.
BIP