Welcome to the Fang Beatdown Report.
"The Results are in"
Okay, I know I said tomorrow is the deadline, but hell, it's such a landslide, I will declare the winner now. With overwhelming, totally overwhelming numbers, the winner is the Godfather version. Stone Cold only got two endorsements by David Ching and Big John. Other than that, total Godfather blowout. The readers have spoken. Godfather it is.
"The Big Endorsement"
Just when Carey is making me feel all bad about this, I get an E-mail that tells me, "Hell yeah you should do this." It is from Big Mun himself. Mun goes so far as to say he would come back me up, if he didn't have finals on the 10th. There is no doubt that it will go down. With Mun's whole-hearted blessings, I say, "Fang, it's your damn ass."
"Today I settle all Family Business"
Today, some things were squared away in the safe keeping of Greg's room. Several other things were placed under lock and key. Most valuables are secure, except this computer. Arrangements have been made for a watchdog while I take my final on the 10th, so as to prevent any Fang retaliation on my stuff, when I'm not there. The equipment is purchased. The plan is ready. The trap is set. It's a matter of time.
"For the Haters"
For the people totally opposed to this plan, or just have expressed some concern, I apologize. i.e. Carey, Sara, Kelly, etc. For one, I hardly think this constitutes a expellable offense. Do I not see David Cash, assister of rape/murder of an 8 year old girl going around campus? This hardly compares. I think I'm safe. What can he complain about? It's a hazing is all it is. I'm not going to break his bones and leave him to die or nothing. Just a little tormenting. I probably won't leave him out in the cold either.
"Yesterday's thing"
Yesterday, after the Bip Report came out, I accomplished one of the dickest things I've ever done. And it was damn hilarious. Fang decided he was going to go to sleep. He turned off the light, and laid down. Meanwhile, I'm listening to my Timbaland CD. Lobster and Scrimp is the next track, so damned if I'm going to turn it off. So I continue listening to my hearts delight. After that, I turn off the CD, allowing Fang to think, "Oh good. Now I can sleep." AHAHAHAHA. I take out the CD only to put in a new CD. 2Pac's "Hit Em Up." I felt this adequately displayed my underlying message to Fang that, yes, I will hit you up. And yes, die slow muthaf---a die slow. My four four make sure all your kids don't grow, etc. I listen to it, and let Fang listen to it. Then I say, it's time to brush teeth. And what. You can't brush teeth in the dark! How will you see the toothpaste? So I go and turn on the light. Brush, brush, brush. Excessively long brushing. Then rinse, rinse, rinse. Excessively long rinsing. Then I need to clean my retainer. Clean, clean, clean. Excessively long cleaning. Finally, I turn off the light. I read some E-mail, and decide to rap my fingers on my desk to Marilyn Manson's "Dope Show," making sure to puond harder when Marilyn would sing louder. After a long spat of this, I think Fang could no longer take it. So he got up, and left the room. I immediately jumped into bed, and went to sleep. When Fang came back in, he scrounged around his computer for something, at which point, I turned to him and said, "Hey Fang! Could you be quiet? I'm trying to sleep!" I laughed myself to sleep.
"Keep in Mind"
Many of you might be losing respect for me now. Many of you will be thinking, "Bip is a jerk." or "This isn't the same Bip I knew." Well, keep this in mind.
I hate Fang. People use the word hate loosely, so it has lost its impact on people. But the hatred I feel towards Fang is unlike anything I have ever felt. Everything about him makes me mad. Everything he says, everything he does just infuriates me. I can't concentrate sometimes, just because I'm thinking about how much I hate him. Sometimes the thoughts become totally obssesive, and I can hardly function. I don't think anyone on this list has ever felt what I feel. Sure, you might get mad at someone sometimes. At certain points, you might have had a glimpse of this hatred. But that hatred goes away. Imagine if that hatred never went away. Imagine if you always felt the same intense anger at a person, no matter what they did. This is the way I feel. The feeling never goes away.
I have no pity for him. As far as I'm concerned, he has it coming to him. He is the most reprehensible person I have ever met. There is not a shred of kindness, generosity, or anything in him. Everything he does is for his own good. He doesn't care about anyone else's well being. He laughs at his friends failures. He pries into other people's affairs. He has no concern at all, except "How will this benefit Fang?" When people do things for him, he doesn't thank them. He has no gratitude. Sometimes he even curses the people that are helping him. He swears at them behind their back. He continues doing this, without any concern at all. When he was arrested, he claimed his parents didn't care. He complains about his financial problems, yet he spends most of his nights on long distance calls. When I ask him about the bill he says, "My f---ing parents are payin for it, so I f---in call all I want." He doesn't care about anything except himself. What makes me madder is that with the exception of being arrested, he has never been caught or reprimanded for all the things he has done in the past.
Until now. I am the f---ing police. And I have him. And I will teach him a lesson he should have learned a long time ago. A lesson in humilty. Be humble Fang. You are not God's gift to the Earth. You are not the badass you think you are. You think you are invulnerable, you think you run the show, you think you're the f---in s---. You're dead wrong. And you're going to find out just how wrong you are tomorrow.
"A Little Poem"
Well now that my little manifesto is done and complete, here's a little something to brighten spirits.
Twas the night before beatdown,
And all through TC,
Not a student was stirring,
Not even Cody.
But tomorrow, there'd be thunder
it will shake the whole hall
it'll make dishes rattle
it'll made papers fall
Oh s---! They will say
It's the guy known as Bip
Uh oh, Look out Fang
It's payback for your lip!
But on this quiet eve
Asleep in his bed
Lay the accursed Fang
With visions in his head.
He thinks he's the shiznit
He thinks he's the bomb
He thinks he's the greatest
Well know what? He's wrong.
Cause when Bip gets in there
Duct tape in hand
He will lay the smack down
According to plan
On arm bar, on duct tape,
on tie up, on shower
On red line, and belly,
no eyebrow tomorrow.
A very big day,
Tomorrow will be
Diamonds are forever,
And Fang...we shall see
BIP