Welcome to the Bip Report.
"No Show"
Well, I kinda promised that we would see some Keishi and Wayne today, but unfortunately, this is not to be. Keishi was supposed to come over and watch some RAW, but he went to play soccer with Wayne and Ward instead. Well I hope their game went well, cause it's thunder and lightning out there, with a little cats and dogs. As for RAW, well Nolan, you were right. This was a slobberknocker indeed. Possibly the funniest RAW ever. But first.
"Wayne and Keishi Update"
So I guess Wayne is doing good. I don't know really. He is an ex-arch enemy, so what do I care. I only care less about JJ Lee, current arch enemy. But Keishi seems to be doing alright. Oh you didn't know? He's been in Japan lately. According to that girl over in Foothill that starts with a "G," Keishi's english skills have been diminishing since leaving country. Apparantly, he had a hard time remembering words like "shuttle" when he was coming from the airport. Anyway, I saw both Wayne and Keishi today, kinda randomly. Hopefully they will show up tomorrow with Ward, 6 o clock, Kreberger Field, for some nice IM (intramural, to clear that up, Shaina) soccer. There they could conceivably begin destroying any and everything thats walking about. Potential awesome showing. Let us hope for the best. Then, if I'm reeaaally lucky, we might get some Wayne and/or Keishi guest writing on the Bip Report.
"RAW"
Okay, here are my RAW highlights. 1) Jim Ross teasing the former Red Rooster. "What are you gonna do? Peck me to death? 2) The Rocks commentary. "This is The Rock's show! The only show he (Mankind) could have is Trailer Trash starring Mankind." 3) Steve Blackman taking the hos. 4) The King's excitement over Sable in Playboy. 5) Shane McMahon's ENTIRE commentary. This weeks show was great.
"Match-Ups"
Again, I will have a link to my page for one of the matches.
"He-Man vs. Han Solo - A continuation"
Well honestly, I don't want to do this match. A better one would be He Man vs. Luke, or Han Solo vs. Man At Arms. First of all, Luke would destroy He Man. I mean crap, he would use the force all over the place, and He Man wouldn't know what hit him. Power of Greyskull my ass. Luke ends up slicing He Man in half or something.
Han vs. Man at Arms is a better match. I think Han would win, just because he always has his blaster by his side. Man at Arms would have to go get into one of his vehicles. If he did, then Han would have to get into the Falcon. Then it would be over, cause the Falcon would destroy any Man at Arms vehicle. Straight out fist fight, I think Man At Arms wins, cause he's just rugged like that.
"Mike "The Pussy of California" Simpson vs. Pat "King of Gassing and DQ's" Masaki"
Well Ching, maybe you ought to just send this one over too. Okay, this match would be hard pressed to even start. First, Pat would come out, wearing his pattented Cinderella socks, and slapping down his body. Simpson would then inform the crowd about his sad sad story in 9th grade to get them to stop booing him. Then they get it on. Here are time elapsed results.
0:05 - Pat bulls in on Simpson. Simpson goes out of bounds. First injury time is called. Simpson is hurt. Match resumes in 47 seconds.
0: 36 - Pat begins a series of snap downs and headbutts on Simpson. He catches him off guard, and is able to pick him up, and slam him down. Pat is penalized 1 point for slamming. 2nd Injury time is called. Simpson is hurt again. Match resumes in 38 more seconds.
0:58 - Simpson uses pure Cally technique to duck under, and score a takedown on Pat.
0:58 - 2:00 - Pat mopes around and does nothing for the rest of the period. The period ends with Simspon winning 3-0.
Second Period - Pat chooses bottom.
0:45 - After 45 seconds of nothing, Pat finally tries to move, and Mike slams Pat out of bounds. Third injury time is called. Pat is hurt. Match resumes in 1 minute, 29 seconds. Pat returns to the mat quite pissed.
0:51 - Pat escapes.
0:52 - Pat headbutts Simpson. Fourth injury time. Simpson is hurt. 30 more seconds go by.
1:24 - Pat gets a hold of Simpson, and slams him...this time legally, into a near fall position! Pat scores near fall, and proceeds to get very pissed. He is breathing like a bull, and spits out his mouthpiece and such.
1:24 - 2:00 - Pat doesn't pin him and time runs out. 3-6 Pat's lead.
Third Period - Simpson chooses bottom.
0:13 - Using some more pure Cally skills, Simpson gets out.
0:38 - Simpson scores a takedown.
1:47 - After almost a minute of Pat doing nothing but moping around, and gassing, Simpson decides he is not getting anywhere. He lets Pat up to try to take him down again. Score is 5-7 Pat's lead.
1:49 - Pat headbutts Simpson for the third time. This time the ref is not having none of it. Pat is disqualified, with only 11 seconds remaing.
Simpson wins!
"The little IM man vs. the ICQ flower"
It seems I am hard pressed for my fifth match, so I make this generic one. Um, hmm. That IM man is all cartoony and friendly like. But I think girls like the ICQ flower because, as Kelsy said, "It's a flower!" The IM logo doesn't look like a fighter. He is all user-friendly and pacifict. But look at the ICQ logo. It moves! It has colorful motion! That's all I need to see, winner ICQ logo.
"Eminem vs. Powder P - The battle of the White Rappers"
Huh? My name is. What? My name is. Who? My name is. Picky picky, Slim Shady. Hi kids! Do you like Powder? Do you wanna see me stick Mo Thugs family, inside my chowder? What? My name is, Huh? My name is, Who? My name is, picky picky, Slim Shady.
Eminem would start off all confident like that. But Powder P is having none of that. He busts out his sawed off shotgun, pointed at whatever. Hey pal, don't mess with me. I stick together. I'm purty clever!
At the sight of the gun, Eminem is left to say, "Huh? Don't shoot me. What? Don't shoot me? Who? Don't shoot me." But Powder P blasts him, and Eminem is down! Ah! Dr.Dre, don't just stand there, OPERATE! So Dre comes in to help out Eminem. Powder P isn't liking those odds, so he calls in the Mo Thugs family. "Now it's on!" says Powder. The Mo Thugs get down G double O-D good. It's no longer Dreday, huh, Arivaderci. Powder calls off Mo Thugs, and says that he's gonna finish Eminem on his own. But the lights turn off!
Alright Stop! Collaborate and Listen! Ice is back with a brand new Invention! Something, grabs a hold of me tightly. Flow like a harpoon daily and Nightly.
You two punks think you can come in here and take over my business?! I AM White Rapping!!! I invented it! I own you! Vanilla Ice takes down Powder, but Powder fights back, with some Ghetto Cowboy skills. But Vanilla is cold as Ice. He busts out his Ninja, Ninja RAP, Ninja, Ninja RAP. GO Ninja go ninja, GO! Vanilla takes control, and busts a move on Powder P! He works Powder and Eminem with his ninjitsu. The winner of this match is surprise entry Vanilla Ice! The true king of white rapping!
"Backstreet Boys vs. 'NSync - The battle of the Boy Bands"
Link up to my page to see this.
www.fortunecity.com/campus/clemson/870/
go to Bip Reports, then scroll down to Backstreet vs. 'NSync
I promise some good action (but really its my trick to get hits on the page)
Okay. So hopefully, tomorrow will bring Keishi and Wayne on the Bip Report. But until then, diamonds are forever, and so is good ole JR.
BIP