Ey yo. It's survey time. Did y'all come here to read chain letters?
BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!1 Or did y'all come here to read the BIP REPORT!!!
YAAAAAY!!!! That's one more, for the good guys. Apparently, despite
my warnings, there are people out there who just don't get it. From
now on in the foward department, I only want Adrian Nomura's
occasional jokes. No chain letters, mushy stuffy, surveys, whatnot.
Unless you truly believe it is the greatest thing that you have ever
seen in your life, BIP DOES NOT WANT IT!
Let's clear a little stuff up again now. Sorry guys, sorry. Well,
Emily L. anyway. Um, I guess I should explain that this is Bip
(friend of Kelly), and for everyone else, this is Daniel Kawamoto, aka
Bip, aka Gilbert, aka Bippy, aka B.I.P., aka Pib, aka Hussein Castro
alias Makavelli, aka ah, whatever. (yeah, you know what I'm talking
about Nolan). Also Nolan, your thing was a mere 9K. The Bip Report
is the premier long a-- multi-mail. Leading the industry for over 50
years, and squelching any hillybilly insurrections in the deep south.
Don Rispoli, I have heard of your troubles with a fifty page report.
The Bipleone Family hereby extends any help we can offer. While our
Family business only includes seemingly small time smuggling
operations, the Family is always looking to make a name for itself, by
helping the most powerful, honorable, and masculine Rispoli family.
Tell us how we can be of service to you, and the Bipleone family will
gladly assist in any way we can.
Well, Fang week is over. And I will go off about Fang whenever I want
to now. Again, for clarity, Fang is my roommate. It's too bad no one
can see him. It is indeed a thing to see. Indeed. Right now, Fang
is studying for a math midterm. He seems to also be brushing up on
his explicits, as he is somewhat mad at the world. It's funny.
Here's an interesting Fang charecteristic. He is the world's biggest
follower. Now, what makes this funny is that recently, people in the
dorm have discovered this, and they are planning to take advantage of
this, for their own comedic pleasure. They tell him they're going to
do stuff, and basically persuade him to go. Stupid stuff too, they
make him go. When I started this letter, the floor guys came into our
room with a shopping cart they found on the street. They start BSing
about how they bought it, and how they need a place to store it.
"Fang, we're going to keep it in your room." Fang looked so
flustered. He didn't want this thing in here. But then this guy,
Masoud, told him, "Hey Fang, if you keep this in your room, you'll be
like the star of the floor. We'll push you around on it. You can do
wheelies and s---." With the promise of being a cool guy, Fang almost
accepted. He let them put the cart in, and store it. Now, our room
is about the size of two shopping carts, so one of them in here is
really hurting the living-area situation. Nonetheless, Fang allowed
them to proceed. I was basically enjoying this spectacle of them
bending Fang to their liking. I wanted to see if Fang would actually
defend himself, and protest to this outrageous idea. He didn't. They
were about to leave when I finally had to say, "Get this s--- out of
here." So they took it out. Fang would have allowed them to put a
f---ing shopping cart in our room for no reason. What the fuh? Such
an idiot. Imagine if I hadn't been in the room! I would have walked
in, and there would be a damn shopping cart int he middle of the room.
Fang would probably say something like, "Daaaan's back. Hey Dan,
some guys wanted to put this shopping cart in our room. It's pretty
cool." I am almost sure this would have happened. Milo, I want you
to come up to Cal, and meet this guy. I want you to use your Milo
persuasion to influence this guy to do stupid things. I'm sure it
would be quite entertaining for you. You know how I don't put up with
your stupid s--- (cupholder outside the window, throwing of li hing
seeds, honking of horn, etc)? Fang would. It's perfect for you! You
should have this guy as your roommate. I guarantee he would provide
hours of entertainment.
Speaking of Stanford, I would like to again congratulate Notre Dame.
And I would also like to congratulate Joey, and the University of
Virginia on their 52-10 victory over San Jose St. San Jose St.?
Who's that? Who plays at San Jose St? What sort of sorry athletic
program do they have there? Hehe, a program that could beat Stanford!
You know what they use axes for? They cut down trees. We're gonna
be cutting down some trees with our brand new axe.
Today, I broke all records for laundry washing. I used a record four
machine loads. Four. I almost had to bust out the duffel
bag/suitcases to get the stuff over there.
Alright folks. If this was a bit long, sorry guys, sorry. Well, it
couldn't be longer than yesterdays. Simply impossible. Untile next
time, diamonds are forever, and so is FAO Schwartz.
BIP