Welcome tot he Bip Report. Today, I will be introducing a new feature. From now on, Friday's will be "Fang Friday," where I take out my weeks anger about Fang. Other than Friday, I will limit my Fang-bashing, as there is a sizable Bip Report crowd who wants no more Fang. But there is also a sizable crowd who do want Fang, so Fang Friday is the answer. Why Friday? It's at the end of the week, and it's FF. By the way, Shout-Out Sunday is now cancelled. Too many people don't like it.
But before Fang bashing, I have another story about tonight.
"Where have all the people gone?"
Well, Gayna is in Santa Barbara. And Greg, Reese, and Carey went to Stone Cold University (SCU) today. So I'm more or less by myself. So what did I do tonight? Well, as I said in a earlier Bip Report, I was going to some Dance thing. Let's see how the dance went.
"The Dance"
This was a Asian Am. Assoc. Dance. More or less piss poor. My goals for this event were as follows 1) expand to outside of Hawaii people. 2) Eat good food. 3) Show off the dance moves. 4) Get my game on. None of these goals were accomplished. Let me now go into further detail.
"Goal 1"
I went with these three girls from Telegraph Commons (my dorm). One of them is pretty cute, the others, as Mike says, "Are just baggage." We met up with this guy and girl couple. I believe they are both in my math class. The girl, for some reason, repulses me. She is not ugly, but something about her is a no. Throughout the evening, they engaged in much PDA that simply made my stomach turn. At one point, he LICKED HER ARM in full view of everyone! What the hell sort of thing is this to do at the dinner table? You can do that, but not in front of me. It wasn't no small lick either. He went from elbow to shoulder. Frickin...damn.
Meanwhile, I was realizing I don't know anybody. I felt rather uncomfortable, certainly not in my element. So the natural thing to do is to converse with the cute girl, which I did. But really, to no avail. But that's for later. So essentially, I met no one new, and it was a bust. The people I was with were also no good for dancing. They kept on leaving. They didn't dance to "Can I get a.." or "Money Ain't a thang" or "Intergalactic." Sheesh, it's like you give gold to someone and they say, "No I don't want that."
"Goal 2"
The next goal was to eat good food. Now, I paid 23 dollars for this, so I expect to be fed well. But it was not a buffet. Already, bad. But maybe there is hope, right? I get a salad, and the salad is okay. No fancy Kaka'ako Kitchen lettuce, but acceptable. Next we get bread. I have to say, the bread was the highlight of the evening. It wasn't awesome bread, but it was still good. Then we got the meal. It was chicken. Now, maybe some other people have noticed this, but at college, in the DC, all they serve is chicken. Various types of chicken. Teriyaki chicken, baked chicken, roasted chicken, herb chicken...you can be Bubba over here except with chicken. So I am not too pleased with it. I wanted a steak or beef of some sort. But I was hungry, so I wasn't picky. Now it wasn't fancy of nothing. Just a chicken breast, three potato halves, three cauliflowers and a broccoli. That's it. Oh yeah, there was a sprig of thyme on the chicken. Now perhaps if they actually used the thyme to cook the chicken with, it would have had some flavor. But apparently, no. So it was a bland chicken, and bland potatoes. Then came dessert. It was tiramisu. It was alright. If I made it, I would have used dobash instead of pund cake, and I would have used more than one layer of cake. But they're not me, so I got one very thin layer of pound cake, with massive amounts of marscapone cream cheese on top. But it was okay. However, overall, the meal was not so great at all.
"Goal 3"
The next goal was to show off dance moves. This was a total failure as well. I got to do a little disco action to "Don't Stop til you get enough." I had a sizable crowd to view this, so it was decent. But that was the only highlight. No "weighing the options." No "flossing the eyes." No "Elaine Dance" let alone a "Kramer Dance." No "Mike Yang" dance. No "Robocop." Nothing. As I said, they didn't even want to dance to some good songs. Crappy.
I realized, I need some sort of crew to be effective on the dance floor. My man N-Dogg, where you at. My boy Milosz. Uptown baby, uptown. My jigga Jizay. We straight puttin it down. Represent, baby BABY! Okay, sorry.
"Goal 4"
Well I'm no Mun, so there was no game to be kicked, no play to be had. Now of course, my aim was the one cute girl. Things were going well, but then there was a little snafoo in the plans. There was some pimp guy that came along, and basically took her. So I'm left with the repulsive girl and baggage. Crap. Now this is the fourth goal, and least important, so I didn't care too much. But no other goal was accomplished, so I was upset that the fourth one wasn't working either. Later on, the pimp guy left the cute girl..in favor of this even better looking girl. The cute girl tried to get him back, but no. He's a bad ass, and has found bigger fish to fry. I would be mad, but I was more taken aback at this amazing display of pimpin ability. How was he doing this? What was he saying? In the end, I at least got to dance with the cute girl, but that and 50 cents will buy you a coke.
All in all, a terrible, terrible disaster. I would do better to eat at the DC, study, and listen to "Rosa Parks" on the 7 o clock drop.
"CalSo"
Why didn't I go to SCU? I have CalSo in...6 hours. It's orientation. Sucks.
"Fang Friday"
And now, without further ado, Fang Friday.
Basically, at the dance, the only thing that held anything together was Fang-bashing. I didn't want to retell all my Fang stories, but they had stories about him. The cute girl said she talked to Fang one day. She at first did not believe me when I said how junk Fang was. But Fang randomly stopped her in the hall one day, and started asking her about Chorale. By the way, Fang has a terrible voice. Cracking, screechy...it's worse than me, Emily Chun, and Brent combined.
So she basically said, "Oh yeah! You should go for it!" She assumed that would be the end of the conversation. But no. Fang found a way to drag it out for a looong time. Some of you may be familiar with Fang's tactics for doing this.
Nolan, my sister, Scott, and Ryan Tanaka called me, but I wasn't home. But since Fang is an idiot, he answers my phone. They ask, "Is Bip there?" He says, "No." So of course, they want to hang up, right? Long distance rates, right? Of course. But Fang will not let them! He talks to them, and makes them waste money on him. They don't want to talk to Fang! They aren't paying to hear him talk! What the f---! Stupid Fang. All of them are choke pissed at Fang after, for being an idiot, and wasting money. Except Ryan, since Ryan is malama ka everyone, and don't get mad at anybody. Unless Fang said some anti-Mormon things, which he does on a regular basis. But not this time, so he's lucky.
And when I came home from the dance, I immediately went to take a shower. I take off my shirt, get my pajamas, get my towel, and get my little basket with soap and washcloth. I put my slippers on, and go to the shower. When I finish, I find my door is locked. What the hell? Why is my door locked? Fang has left, and locked the door. Why did you lock the door, you dumbass? A shower takes around ten minutes, right? I will be back shortly, so I figure I don't need my key. So why did he lock the door? Could he not see I was taking a shower? Do I carry a towel and soap around for fun? Am I going to leave here with no shirt on? What the f--- are you thinking, you fool? There is no reason to lock the door. But nonetheless, I was locked out. After banging on every door on the hall, I finally get him. Damn you Fang, why are you such a dumbass?
Okay, well that's all for today. More or less crappy. Well, we gots some WIldcats to beat tomorrow, so until next time, diamonds are forever, and so is simplenet.
BIP