Welcome to the Bip Report. Let's get right into it.
"I know what I said..."
I know what I said, and I said I would reserve all anger at Fang for Fridays. But I made a little escape clause, by which if he did something really bad, I am free to talk as I please. Folks, Fang has done just that. This is all heresay, mind you, but this is what happened to Fang last night.
"If Only I where there..."
Apparently, Fang got piss drunk. Taking advantage of this, Cody, who was also a bit enebriated, threw Fang into the bathroom, and locked him in. Cody left him in there for nearly an hour. Here and there, they would open the door, and taunt him. They sprayed him with the hose, and they more or less had a grand old time tormenting him. Cody refused to let Fang out until he named one girl in Telegraph Commons that he would have sex with. "None of them" was an unacceptable answer. If only I where there to witness this event. It was guaranteed laughs. Fang finally named this fat girl in TC. The thinking is that it is oppostie psychology or something. Like in Schindler's List when the Nazi guy says, "Who stole the bread?" and then shoots a guy, and the little kid comes out and says, "It was him!" pointing to the dead guy. Well, that actually has nothing to do with the Fang situation, but whateva.
"Another Thing"
Since I'm using my escape clause already, I will add an extra thing. Fang has a friend in Yale. As some of us may know from Onaona or just common knowledge, Claire Danes attends Yale. Fang claims that his friend is hanging around Claire Danes, and getting to know her and whatnot. I find this claim totally preposterous. Anyone who is a true friend of Fang is undoubtedly piss poor. Why for then, would Claire Danes associate with such a person? Claire Danes won't even talk to Onaona, and we all know how good Onaona is. Fang is pure id, and as we know, the id is based on the world of fantasy. The id does not differentiate between the worlds of fact and fiction. Fang is in his fantasy world.
"Evidence of this"
Here is my evidence of Fang in a fantasy world. Again, this is heresay, but Fang arrived drunk at TC on Saturday. He was holding a beer can. Apparently, he was at a party and walked home. With the beer can. Drunk. And alone. If this is not cause to a) get mugged or b) get arrested, I don't know what is.
And earlier, I hear that Fang went down Sproul Plaza, the main Plaza at Berkeley similar to the Quad at Punahou, HOLDING A BEER CAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY. And yes, he was drinking it. To Fang's credit, it was non-alcoholic beer. To Fang's discredit, he believed it was alcoholic and that he was getting buzzed. Now the fact that Fang walked around in public places with beer is a testament to his decision making ability, or lack thereof. Does he think he is 21? Does he think public drunkeness is acceptable to police? Does he not realize that there are many law enforcement officials patrolling the University area? I can only lower my head and nod at Fang's stupidity.
"Psych Midterm"
I have adequately lulled myself into a false sense of security for my upcoming Midterm. After kicking the first one's ass, I now believe I will follow suit in the second. Therefore, studying is being replaced by cruising and whatnot. I watched the Simpsons and the X-Files, to my delight, and care not about the midterm. It is assumed I will kill it. There is undoubtedly some kind of psychological explanation for this, and it is probably in the section I am supposed to have read. But hey, when I walk into the People's Schoolhouse, and get into the People's Desk, and take out the People's Pencil, I will be forced to lay the smack down on any jabronie midterm that comes in my way. And nothing, and the Bip means NOTHING, will stop me from taking that midterm, and laying it out Rock Bottom.
"Tip o' the Hat"
Thank you Mona and Mariel for much hospitality. And Mona, could you E-mail me the address for that classes thing? I want to be more prepared than praying for the classes to be open. Thanks.
"Any Requests?"
If you have a fight you want to see tomorrow, send them in, and I might post it.
"In regards to Trivia"
I believe this trivia to be most excellent. I will now reaffirm my mastery over a) Simpsons b) Transformers c) WWF d) Star Wars and e) Ducktales trivia. Any challengers, feel free to stump me with questions. In regards to Star Wars, I want only questions from the movies. None of this books nonsense. And in regards to Transformers and Ducktales, pre-movie and pre-Bubba respectivly. I moved to Korea in '88, and could not keep at it. Otherwise, bring it on. I also now say, I extend to a) Seinfeld and b) Robotech. I have yet to be beat in my areas of specialty except WWF by Nolan and grrrrrrrr....Wayne.
Here's some trivia for you all. The questions correspond to the numbers of the specialties.
1. What did Krusty the Clown promise the creator of Itchy for fixing his fence?
And incidentally, what is Itchy's creators name?
2. In Cybertron, and before the time of the Autobot/Decepticon war which the series is based on, there was a transformer who I think was implied to be the father of Optimus Prime. What was his name? This was in an episode where the Aerobots travelled back in time.
3. Descibe the circumstances by which Virgil defeated the Million Dollar Man to get the Million Dollar belt, and his freedom.
4. Who is Luke's wingman on Hoth (he gets killed)? The guy that sits behind him, and shoots the gun thingy.
5. How does Gyro defeat the evil knights when he goes to the middle ages?
Send trivia to me.
Okay then. That's it for now. Until next time, diamonds are forever, and so is Fang's terrible BO.
BIP