Welcome to the Bip Report.
We have another special interview today. Let's give a big Bip Report welcome to Cal quarterback Justin Vadder!
Bip: How are you doing Justin?
Justin: I'm doing fine.
Bip: Really? That's good to hear.
J: Yeah, I'm doing good.
B: Good, good. Well Justin. Enough beating around the bush. We all want to know, how do you feel about successfully losing the Big Game to Stanford?
J: I really don't want to talk about it. I'm really sad about how it...
B: No no. We will not have your excuses on the Bip Report. How do you respond to your numerous sacks in this game. Very, very costly sacks, I may add?
J: Well it's a lot easier when you're watching compared to on the field.
B: Hey. Do I want to hear your excuses? Do I? No. How many times were you sacked that game? 50? 60?
J: It wasn't that bad.
B: Oh no? You suck, Vedder!
J: Hey look, I'm not happy about it either!
B: Well we don't want confrontation here on the Report. We've had enough of that in the past. Now what about the fact that you failed to score a single touchdown? What kind of offense is that?
J: ...Well like I said, it's harder than it looks.
B: Granted it is hard. But you just really seemed to suck out there. I mean, what about that one interception at the end? There was a guy wiiiiiide open. And you decided to throw it to a Stanford player, who was also wide open. Did you get the colors confused? Stanford is red. "Take off that red shirt," you know?
J: They weren't wearing red.
B: Yeah? Well news flash! Neither were we!
J: What the hell does that mean?
B: Hey! Hey! Shut up suck boy.
J: Hey, I don't suck! I'm a good player. I just had a bad game!
B: That's a pretty good excuse...for me to poop on!
J: Well you have to admit, some of it was the O-lines fault.
B: True, true indeed. That is why we also have the Cal O-line. Come out guys.
Cal O-line: Hi Bip.
B: Hi guys. So how do you feel about contributing to our defeat? What was our total rushing yards? Negative 25? I think rushing is in some way related to the quality of the O-line, right?
COL: Hey, we don't appreciate you talking like that to us! We aren't going to stand for it!
B: Yeah? What you suckas got? Come on! Come on!
COL: Let's get him!!!
B: Oh! Oh! Hold on. What do I have here?
COL: Ho s---! It's a squirrel! F---! Run! That thing is f---ing crazy!!! It'll f---in bite us and s---! Run! Run!
B: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! That's right! Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy? Everybody now! Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy? YES I AM! Now get outta here you bums. (Cal O-line leaves in fear of squirrel)
B: And you too, you worthless piece of trash! (kicks Vedder out)
And now, on with the Report.
"Soccer"
Well, we had quite a disasterous day in soccer. Here is my Top Ten reason for why we lost.
"Top Ten Reasons We Lost"
10. No Ward
9. No Ward
8. No Ward
7. No Ward
6. No Ward
5. No Ward
4. No Ward
3. No Ward
2. No Ward
and the number one reason we lost:
1. No Ward
"Soccer cont'd"
So how bad was it? I managed to injure myself in the first ten seconds of the game. I got kneed in my knee. So I gimped around until about halfway through the first, were adrenaline or something kicked in. Meanwhile, we were getting spanked. End score was 6-1. Plus, the other team was more or less bastards. They kept running into Greg in the goal. Greg was getting pissed. I started getting pissed, after I missed a kick, and it ended up in the other team scoring. Me and Greg had a decent rage going. Greg got into a little tiff with some guy, after the guy tried to charge him. Almost scrap. Later on, I went and knocked some guy. I wasn't sure if it was the same guy, but I thought it was. It ended up in a penalty kick, however. But they didn't score off that. At that point in the game, I was no longer thinking. I was basically raging on them, and and ready to hit things. Very bad sportsmanship, and playing. But them they were pretty bad sports too. All this rage ended up doing, however, was giving me a charlie horse on my other leg. I forget how I got it, but upon thinking about it, I know it wasn't when I knocked the guy down.
I was pretty much stupid. Because we were playing a double-header. So when the second game rolled along, I couldn't move either of my legs. My top speed was a leisurely jog. But no problems, cause for the second game, we had Mike the Mang in there.
Second game went a bit better. The team we played was choke good, but they only had 6 out of 7 people. Still yet, they scored 3 goals on us in the first oh, 5 minutes of the game. Things were looking bad. But we came back, and it was 3-2 at the end of the half. But we ended up losing 5-4. I never played in the second game. It was terrible in general.
"Big Game people"
For the Big Game, we had a few visitors to Cal. Actually, a helluva lot. All the Stanford people, Milo, Jeff, Ziz, Keaka, Scott, and Molly. I actually only say Milo. We also had Brian Taylor. I didn't see Brian either. But I talked to him on the phone. And I talked to Scott to. Woo hoo.
From Davis, Christina Tom came down. And the greatest surprise of all, from CalTech, Dylan Owens, and from frickin parts unknown, SKY MILNER!!! Yes that's right, I saw Sky Milner. He was actually IN Gayna's suite.
"Sky Milner"
Some of you may be wondering, what is Sky up to nowadays? Well here's the deal. Sky is living with someone you may know, Jarin Udom. They live along with Jarin's girlfreind in an apartment in Washington I think. Sky is working now doing I don't know what. His plans are to somehow move to Japan, and do something there. That guy is getting serious life experience. But Sky is Sky, and will forever be Sky, and that's how it goes.
"The night of 11/21"
I went over to Gayna's place to see Sky and Dylan. And Christina was also there, so that was a treat. Sky and Dylan entertained us with some magic tricks, and they did a little of this and a little of that. Pretty good. After excessive weirdness, as Sky is apt to do, they left. How were they there? Why were they there? These are good questions indeed. The whole thing was rather random. But it was nice seeing them.
The main objective of the night was to go to Mariel's place and watch a movie. It was also Reese's belated birthday, so we had a cake for him.
Why did the party not involve drinking? Because I am tired of Mike Yang's damn peer pressure tequilla shots. Okay, this is the night of 11/20. Mr. Yang, former Peer Leader, does not allow us to leave the party until we have all had a shot. Along with Mike is Woody, Hoi, and Mr. Solomon. Emphasis Mr. Solomon. So we aren't going anywhere. We are hoarded back in (we is me, Greg, Reese, Carey, Mariel, Mona). A very drunk Hoi decides it's time for Mariel to have a shot. So he takes her to the kitchen. I am behind Mariel, and I am consequently clotheslined into the kitchen. The rest of us are brought to the kitchen. Hoi is making Mariel take a tequilla shot, but she doens't drink. So Mariel decides to say, "Hey, why don't you get Bip to drink instead?" I give Mariel a little corporate eyebrow? Ey? Hoi takes me. okay, Bip. It's on you. I strike a deal with Hoi. Fine, I drink the shot, then we get to go. In that case, let me fill the whole glass, says Hoi. Fine. Cheers, and I take the shot. We are ready to leave. Then Mike Yang walks in.
"Ey boys! Ey, Bip. You gotta take shots with me!"
You fool, I just did.
"I don't believe you. Besides, you gotta drink with me.:
Damn it. Why me still?
"Because you make me laugh with your f----in Bip Report every night."
Damn it. Fine. We get to go after this though.
"Okay."
But they don't have anymore tequilla. So they get some kinda beer, called Mississippi Mud. The only Mississippi Mud I know of is served at Baskin Robbins. It consists of chocolate and brownie chunks. It provides the taste of a brownie sundae, compacted into the size of a scoop of ice cream. Most excellent indeed. This Mississippi Mud was nothing of the sort. Still yet, Mike fills the shot, and I down it. Only then are we allowed to leave. This is why we did not go to a drinking party on 11/21. Also the fact that we don't drink.
"Continuing"
So I'm at Gayna's place with Gayna, Cindy, and Christina. Waiting for going to Mariel's. But Cindy is going to a party. So Gayna decides to have make-up time until we leave. I volunteer to put make-up on Gayna. She foolishly agrees. So I go ahead and proceed to put choke black-like eyeshadow over her eyes. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, and Gayna ends up looking like Variety Show. Then Gayna goes does Christina. Okay, there is no point to this. No one wants to hear this.
"And so"
So we go over to Mariel's. Of course, Gayna, being Gayna, was tentative to leave. "What movie are we watching? What this, what that?" She leaves all options open until she HAS to decide. Christina is being very nice about everything. "We can do this." But Gayna is very restrictive. "No, I am Gayna. I do as I please." Well we end up going.
We watch "The Full Monty." We eat cake. I beat the crap out of Gayna. I play Metal Slug on Mariel's computer. We take choke pictures to document this all. It was a good night.
"It's late"
Okay, that's pretty much everything. Apologies for the long report. It's late, so sorry if this is incoherent. No offense Gayna. You know I love ya.
That's all for now. Until next time, diamonds are forever, and so is Vedder sucking.
BIP