Well hello folks, its time for the Bip Report. Well, since no one responded to the second read me letter, I'll just as soon assume that all of you read the Bip Report, and all of you love it. Thank you, thank you.
"The Match-ups"
I've been getting some decent feed back on the match-ups. Monday will be Monday Night RAW on the Bip Report, where we shall have several matches every week. If youhave match ideas, send them in. Mariel. It is amazing that you wrote that letter, because I was thinking about those very matches you spoke of in the beginning. I am eager to speak to you and debate the possible winners and losers of those matches. I think I might even have a tournament on the Bip Report for those guys.
"Some Sad News"
Well apparently, this Halloween, 3 girls were killed in an H-shaped dorm (Ida Sproul Hall) here at Berkeley. I just found out about this today, and it corresponded with those physic predictions. This was very troubling to learn, as I spent a good deal of time debunking the notion that such a thing could ever happen, yet here it is. Apparently, the perpatrator walked into the dorm, and snuck up while the security monitor was getting something. The person went up the stairs and killed three girls who were watching movies (ironically Scream) in one of their rooms. This is a sad thing indeed, and scary as Ida Sproul is right next to me.
"Some Good News"
Okay, I was lying. This is just to say that that whole story is a bunch of stupid crap. I got letters from Sara Verga saying it was going to be at UConn. I got a letter from someone saying it was going to be at Florida. I got a letter from Dayna Kamimura saying it was going to be at Scipps. And I got a letter from Ayson telling girls in Oregon not to believe it, when they thought it would happen at Oregon. This guy would really have to be gettin busy to go to UConn, Florida, Scripps, and Oregon in one night to kill these people. He would literally go to the corners of the nation to do this. NEVER BELIEVE CRAP LIKE THIS. It is simply urban legends. They make this sort of thing up to scare people on Halloween. If you did not go out on Halloween because you were afraid of this rumor, I laugh at you right now. HAHAHAHAHA.
Also, there is another urban legend that people go around and put needles in movie theaters infected with HIV. They have cute little notes on them that say "You are HIV positive. Welcome to the real world." Crap. This is also stupid. I explained this to some people earlier, but for the others, a) HIV cannot live in oxygen. It would all die on that needle. b) it takes more than a needle-tip of HIV to infect someone. You don't get HIV from kissing, and there is a small amount of HIV in saliva, so the immune system can handle a little of it (such as the amount on a pinhead). 3) The only way to get infected is if you sit your ass down fully on a hypodermic needle, and inject the stuff into you but you'd be pretty damn dumb to keep sitting on something when its stabbing your ass, not to mention blind for not seeing a giant needle sticking out of the chair. They don't turn the lights off until after the movie starts, and presumably, you get there before the movie starts. This also applies to a regular needle laced with HIV.
Another version of this one is people come up, and poke you with an HIV needle. Okay. Fine. That's like saying, sometimes, people come up and shoot you point blank with a gun. What's the difference? Or sometimes, people come up and beat the s--- out of you for no reason. The point is, this of course, CAN happen. It's just that it WON'T happen. You might say, "Oh, but if you shoot someone, you'll get caught, but if you prick someone, you won't get caught." Please. There are two sides to this one. Did you not see the Godfather? Michael Corleone did not get caught, yet he killed the police chief and the Tataliga guy in a restaurant. Of course this is fiction, but people won't stop an armed man out of fear. The other side is, if someone pricks me with a pin, I'm not just going to stand there and say, "oooo. You got me. You bastard." and let him get away. I'm going to chase that f---er and beat the crap out of him. You don't die on the spot, so first you get choke adrenaline, cause this guy just pricked you with an HIV needle, and you're all scared. This allows you to run faster than you've ever run before and catch him. Then you get choke pissed and you beat the s--- out of the guy with your supernatural adrenaline power.
So again, the ever skeptical Bip has proven this crap wrong.
"Ode to my Sister"
My sister just called me,
She wanted to say,
Why don't you put me,
In the Bip Report today.
She added to that,
That she just bought a Paseo.
Now she can come to Cal
Right next to Valeho
Another request,
from the sister of mine
From Abercrombie & Fitch,
A shirt would be fine
So I ask now, "Mike Yang
A favor for Bip."
a long-sleeved white T-shirt
so my sister looks hip
A medium please,
she is not really that large.
with "Abercrombie" on the sleeves.
Pay with cash or by charge?
Thank you Mike Yang
Can I get 30 percent?
I'll pay you myself,
heres where it should be sent
Give it to me!
And I 'll give it to her
Right here at TC
For my sister, Jennifer
I'll force her to come down
in her fancy new car.
She's 21 you know.
wink wink, har har
i can finally begin
my wine taster career
since to get the shirt,
she has to come here.
so buy me the shirt
Oh please, Mike Yang
my sister will be thankful
you dirty old Mang.
That's the end of the Report.
Hey, ain't I clever?
Until next time folks
Diamonds are forever
BIP