Welcome to the Bip Report.
"Luau Prep"
Well pretty much the highlight of today was luau practice. We decided after seeing UOP, that we need to get small kine intense. Those guys were frickin nuts. You can talk intense, and then you can see intense. And these guys were it. The only guy at UOP that wasn't Samoan was this giant black guy. So pretty much they were kicking ass on that stage.
Now it will be most difficult indeed for a bunch of little Japanese and Chinese guys to match that, but hell, we trying. So we practiced our slap dance, and we try to get intense and stuff. Not quite there yet, but you know. We're getting it up there. Just gotta kick it up a few more notches. Actually, we got to kick it up notches unknown to man. But you know. Getting there.
"Weird Black Guy"
Then we saw this weird black guy during practice. He was a homeless guy, and let me say, he was a few lau luas short of a luau. He sat down, and started watching us do our slap dance (we were outside on Wheeler, by the way, trying fo' get tan). He starts copying our moves and stuff. And then he starts mumbling and whatnot. Then Kristy's dog, DJ, starts barking at him. This enraged the crazy man. He proceeded to yell at the dog, and then he crossed his legs, and made this, "I'm just minding my business" look. But then he got pissed again, and started yelling more at the dog. Then he started blaming DJ for World War II and the atomic bomb blasting of Hiroshima. "You're killing the children! And that's just wrong!" He was choke pissed about it, and was yelling at poor DJ like he was Satan or something. Finally, he got so enraged that he just stormed off, in a fit. It was small kine funny. If only we could get as intense as that guy, we'd be scary as hell.
"Ice Cream"
The highlight of practice is when the ice cream man came. This past week, the weather has been super nice in Berkeley, SF, Davis, Stockton, etc. It is very sunny, and there is a nice breeze. It is very much like Hawaii weather. The temperature is in the 80s, so it is pretty much the same.
With this in mind, and the sweat we were building cause of practicing for one hour, we all flocked to the ice cream man. He had many fruit bars, that were pretty much like Fruit-a-Freeze. We all know and love the Fruit-a-Freeze bar. And this was like it. There was strawberry, pineapple, watermelon, and coconut. That was the highlight of practice I think. More so than crazy black guy.
"Double Rainbow"
After another hour, practice was over. I thought it was neccessary to go to Double Rainbow for a Cafe Frio. Now I guess most of you know this. I worked at Baskin Robbins. I am a fine critiique of ice cream, and the ice cream arts. I know my ice cream, like I know the back of my hand. So I know good stuff when I see it. Most of the time, the Cafe Frio is good. It is not as good as the BR Blast at Baskin Robbins or the Mochalatta Chill at Cinnabon, but it is an okay substitute. But today, my Frio sucked.
I was pissed at the guy that made it, in the end. First of all, he didn't grind the stuff good. When he turned off the blender, I could hear ice chunks still in there. This is not acceptable to me. He took it out, and started to pour into a cup. I told him, "No, I want you to put that thing back in the blender, please." So he did, and ground it up some more, but still yet, it was icy. This just made me mad. Common procedure dictates that you blend until the mixture until it creates a vortex, and starts whirlpooling in on itself. That is when it is truly blended, and the ice it fully crushed. This idiot did not know this basic principle. So my Frio had small bits of ice in it, which is better than the huge bits of ice it would have had, had I not told him to redo it once.
Then the idiot put a small quantity of whipped cream on it. Whipped cream is like the life essence of the fthing. You have to apply it in heary amounts, in a nice swirl. It should be applied with the index finger firmly pressing on the nozzle (or the thumb, if you are Shauna Coughlan). The worst is when it ends up looking like white crap. That is what this guy did. And it wasn't even a lot. I was pissed about this too.
And then there was the fact that my cup was not filled to the brim. If anything, you make extra, and eat the rest later. That is just common sense. If he isn't planning on eating it later, then he has no love for what he is creating. Ice cream without love is just ice, cream, sugar, and vanilla. Ice cream needs that love to become real ice cream. That is when you can taste the quality. So the stupid f---er doesn't even fill up my cup, and I am pissed because 1) I don't get the full amount and 2) he obviously is not making it well, because he has no love for the product and has no desire to eat his leftovers.
I pay him, very upset. Then I taste it, and it is crap. The proportions are all wrong. I seriously wanted to go back in and ask for a refund, but I decided not to. All in all, a sad attempt at the Frio. I don't know how this idiot got the job, when I did not. Obviously I am far more skilled than he. Must've slept with somebody or something. Damn punk.
Okay, that's it for now. Until next time, diamonds are forever, and so is the BR Mocha Blast.
BIP