Welcome to the Bip Report.
You know, we're always fun and games here at the Bip Report. Joking around, guest writers, and amusing anecdotes are always in line here. But today, I want to switch gears a bit. I want to take some time to address some important issues.
You know, the Bip Report has spread a lot since it first started. And just recently, NBC has written to me. Yeah. And uh, apparently, they wanted me, to do some public service ads for them. Yeah. And I thought, you know, this would be a good thing. The readers get a nice, wholesome message, and everyone's happy, right? So I did a little creative brainstorming today, and I came up with some ads.
"Ad #1"
Okay, the scene is a schoolyard. You know. Typical suburban high school, right? Yeah. Like that. Anyway, the main character is this guy, right. And it's so funny cause he...well. You see for yourself.
Questioner (to Kid 1): Hey, can I ask you a few questions?
Kid 1: Yeah. (looks around) What do you want?
Q: Have you ever forwarded E-mail?
Kid: Yeah. Once. When I was 14.
Q: Why'd you do it?
Kid: I dunno. Everyone was doing it.
Q: So you did it to fit in?
Kid: Yeah. I guess.
Q: So why'd you stop?
(Kid 2 taps Kid 1 on arm)
Kid: I dunno. It just wasn't me. (To Kid 2) Yo! Wait up! (To camera) Are we done here?
(fades to: Think. Don't forward)
The more you know...music
Well how was that, huh? Not bad, yeah? Well I got another one. This one's even better, cause it's like it's a bus, right. And there's these like, black guys, right? And you know, they're all chillin, and kickin it, yo. Just kickin it, right? And then it's like...Well. Again I'm getting ahead of myself. So here's ad 2.
"Ad #2"
Scene is a bus.
Questioner: Hey, can I ask you a few questions?
Black Kid 1: Yea, yea.
Q: Have you ever sent forwards?
BK: Naw, naw.
Q: What do you think of people who do?
BK: I think they're not being real, you know what I'm sayin? Cause it's like. They're just following what everyone else is doing.
Q: So you're saying it's stupid to follow other people sending forwards?
BK: Yea, it's a stupid thing to do. I mean...I'm not saying...THEY'RE stupid people for doing it. I'm just saying it's a stupid reason to do anything. Yea! (turns around, pounds Black Kid 2's fist) Yea!
(fades to: Think. Don't forward"
The more you know...music
How was that? Well if that didn't get your foot stomping, check your pulse. Cause you might be dead. Now it's time for the last one, and then I'll be signing off, cause it's past my bedtime. I'll catch YOU on the flipside. This one is a little more serious than the previous two. But I think it gets the message across. Bahbahbahbahbaaaah. Bahbahbahbahbaaahbaaah.
"Ad #3"
(dimly lit kitchen)
(woman enters, holding frying pan and egg)
Woman: This is your brain (holds egg. places egg on counter)
W: And this. Is your brain on Forwards!
(SMASH! Breaks egg with pan.)
W: Hold on. It's not done yet.
W: This is what happens TO YOUR FAMILY! (breaks dishes)
W: AND YOUR FRIENDS!!! (breaks more stuff)
W: AND YOUR JOB!!! (hits more things)
W: AND YOUR LIFE!!! (breaks everything in sight)
W: AND EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT!!! (cuts to black. hear things breaking)
(fades back to scene)
W: Any questions?
(fades to: Partnership for a Forward-Free America)
Well that's all the time I have today. I hope you liked those messages. Stay tuned, cause Later is next!
Until next time, diamonds are forever and so is Conio's.
BIP