Welcome to the Bip Report.
"Where have you been?"
Many of you have been wondering what happened to me. Did I die? Did Bip Love return from the dead to kill me? What happened? Well here is the story of one of the greatest weekends of college I have had. From the shortest Bench Ohana Bulletin ever, to now, perhaps one of the larger Bip Reports I will write. Perhaps a follow-up in some ways to Scott and Jana, but a heckuva lot more in depth.
"Pre-Davis"
The great weekend started with me going down to Tower on Friday, T minus 4 hours til Davis. I ordered yet another Robotech video. Then I went over to Anime shop and purchased the Robotech Perfect CD. I was quite pleased about being able to find this item. Then I got to Mariel's in time to catch the latter half of a good Pokemon episode. Then we watched a little 1990 Royal Rumble featuring Million Dollar Man as the number one entry and staying in for choke long, Andre the Giant, a Hogan / Warrior old school standoff, and Jesse "The Body" Ventura announcing.
"The Bus to Davis"
Then we got on a bus and went to Davis. Greg, Reese, and Carey were late, but we still got there. We arrived in Davis at around 8 or so. But to our dismay, there was no Scott to pick us up. "Where is Scott?" we asked. Not here. So Greg and Carey, in none but shorts and Aloha shirt, almost froze to death. A good 15 minutes later, Scott finally appears blaming Jana all the way. But things only looked up from there.
"Scott's Place"
Scott's place was pretty decent. We were sitting around for quite a while doing nothing. Then we decided to use that Playstation that was just sitting in front of us. We played a bit, and then Scott returned with SCU people, and we were ready to party.
"The Party"
The party was for James Mang. Happy Birthday James. We went to Tim Suehiro's place, the Davis Mike Yang (i.e. the Davis HI club Pres.). Scott had a keg prepared, hards, and wine coolers for the ladies. Plus they intended to do some grillin and chillin. But the hibachi was stolen the day before, much to Scott's dismay. He ended up using, as he calls it, the sad ass haole grill with choke fat grating that don't heat up for s---. He cooked some chicken, but the question is, did he really cook that chicken? We suspect not for all of them. But Scott did the best he could with what he was given. Those chickens were on for a good deal of time. These two big guys were enjoying them, and giving Scott much compliments.
"Starving"
Before Scott started cooking, and the party was in full swing, the stupid Berkeley people were going hungry. We weren't doing a single thing. We were just sitting there, because we were too damn hungry. Greg had maybe like one beer during this time, and Reese maybe one as well. Other than that, we were hardly even talking. The problem was we left Berkeley without eating, and it was 10 or so now. So we were starving. I asked Jana to borrow the keys to her rented car, and we were off. The destination was In-n-Out burgers. The driver was Bip.
"The Drive to In-n-Out"
And thank goodness for Christina Tom, or we would never have made it back to that party. It seems my driving skills have grown rusty over two months. I started off by not knowing how to turn on the headlights. One MY car, the headlights are on the turn signal thing. But apparently, they are located on a twisty thing on the dashboard in this car. Lucky for us, Christina was there with her first save of the night. Then we started to drive. I began by running over the bumpy things in the road that divide lanes. Not the dividers, but those island things. Christina gave us directions, and we found our way to In-n-Out without any more incident. Other than me almost not getting out of the lane going to San Francisco. We got our drive through food, which was a decent amount, and we headed back. As we went back, I went through a bike lane, and continued going that way until Christina made her second save, and informed me that, "Bip, this is a bike lane." So I got back on, and this time, almost took the way to Sacramento. Again, Christina with the save. We headed back, and after almost missing the turn, I got to the parking lot. Then I almost missed a turn while in the actual parking lot. In all, I had about 10 mistakes. If it were a driving test, I would have about -50 or so. Thank you Christina.
"The Party-Zion"
We ate our food, and we were ready to go. For me, the highlight of the party was Scott and James' buddy Zion. Zion is one funny drunk guy. He starts by yelling at people to shut up to let these two girls sing. He makes choke noise, and is looking all wasted. People finally quiet down, and they sing. Zion takes pictures with the girls. "Make me look good," he says arms extended. Zion gets into an argument with SCU Mang Eric Monson. Zion is claiming he is from Hawaii Kai, when he is really from SF. Eric is obsessed with proving him wrong. We also have a little drunk Monica Karimoto there to stir things up. Monica starts by saying she has to study for her Chemistry. Zion says he is Chinese. He is genetically engineered to be good in math, science, and chemistry. Then he starts saying he is from Mid-Pac. It is at this point that Eric starts proving Zion wrong. But just to piss off Eric, me and Monica and SCU Mang Mark Uyemura start backing up Zion. Like yeah man! I seen you aroung Hawaii Kai sometimes! Zion claimed he lived on Hawaii Kai Drive. Mark actually live on Hawaii Kai drive. So Zion is all, "HEEEEEY!! WE'RE NEIGHBORS MAN!!!" And Zion is choke excited. More or less, Zion provided choke laughs for a good while.
"Shots with James"
I had to celebrate with the birthday boy, but since I refuse to drink beer, we had to take a little Bacardi, and a little tequila. Greg and Mariel, I swear I felt nothing at all, except in the mood for some normal Bip-style dancing.
"Dancing"
Okay, the highlight of dancing is, again, Zion. I made sure to take pictures of Zion dancing to put on my web page. Zion is the funniest dancer I have ever seen. His average height above the ground is about three feet, and he is gyrating all the while, with hips and knees flaring like a mofo. I had a little fun when Rosa Parks came out, because hey, I like Rosa Parks. Normal Bip-style dancing includes copying music videos, and exagerrating a bit. So I pretend I am fighting outer wordly forces, such as Outkast, and move everything to the back of the bus. I bump, I slump, and I make the club get crunk, getting down such as Andre, with the football pads and army helmet. It was good fun. Then I did a little Mulan for Carey Lew.
"The night ends"
It is 4 AM, and we are tired. The party ends, and we go to Scott's to sleep.
"Breakfast"
Okay Davis, despite what you say, your DC is the frickin bomb. Here are the highlights. 1) Fancy as hell cereal dispenser. 2) Milk from your own cows. 3) Belgian waffle machine EVERY day. 4) Ice cream flavors of strawberry and NY Cheesecake. 5) Two types of bowls. 6) Ergonomically designed trays. If this is not enough for you, then perhaps the real rice is. The eating was good in Davis. Thank you Scott for wasting about a million swipes on us.
"The Suehiros gunning for Bip - Oh s---!"
As I said, Tim Suehiro is the President of the Davis Hawaii Club. Here are the facts about Tim. He is not from Hawaii, rather, California. Time wrestles, and is known throughout the state. He has been featured in Wrestling magazines. He is skilled in Mutai kickboxing, Filipino stick fighting, judo, and something else. In other words, he is a lethal weapon. His brother is Mike. Mike was ranked #2 IN THE NATION in wrestling. He is a greater version of Tim, having all his skills and more. The thing is, these two guys are now pretty much gunning for me. Scott believes it is because they enjoy killing Hawaii people. They have already killed Scott, and now it is my turn. Once Mike found out I wrestle, oh crap. I'm a dead man. He volunteered to drive up from SF, pick me up at Berkeley, drive to Davis, and wrestle me there, were he would undoubtedly kick my ass 100 times over. Not good.
"Dinner"
We ate dinner at Fuzios Italian restaurant. Afterwards, me and Christina had a little Ben & Jerry's which we enjoyed.
"Cache Creek - Indian Reservation Bingo and Casino"
The highlight of the whole trip has to be Cache Creek. At Indian Reservations, you need only be 18 to gamble. So we went off to boony land to lose money. In the car was Scott driving, Jana in shotgun, and me, Christina, Greg, and Reese smashed in the back. The whole way through, we were comparing things we saw to Hawaii. "Look, we're in Kaimuki, going up Wailae Ave!" "Look, we're on the Kalanianaole going to Waimanalo!" etc. It was sad now that we reflect, but whatevers. The way to Cache Creek is difficult indeed. For one thing, the signs are smaller than a street sign, and are on some random tree on the side of the road, with no lights on them. We finally got to the Resevation, and took a wrong turn. We were in the middle of nowhere. We decided we had to turn around. We almost went into a ditch I think, and also almost got hit by some crazy car. But we got to Cache Creek.
"Cache Creek"
This will probably be on my web site when I develope pictures. All together, we had 11 people. Us six in the car, plus James, Zion, Scott's dormmate Demoni, and Jana's friends Sunny and Idaho girl. Me, Christina, James, and Greg went on a little adventure to try to take a picture with the security guy. But he flat out refused us, and made us put away our cameras. So we had to walk back out to the car, and put them away. We came back, and we went in. There was blackjack, bingo, machines, and "Asian Push 9."
"Bingo"
Bingo was closed for the night. We wanted to play, and kept on trying to figure odds to beat the system, but we only figured we'd be taking our own money from each other.
"Machines"
Here is my experience. Machines suck crap. They are terrible. I lost 2.50 on video poker. Then I went to go play video Keno. I hated it. I lost $5, and I never won a single time. I was pissed, but Christina and Scott seemed to enjoy it a good deal. Scott's 7 kept on matching, and Christina's 12 matched the last time. I stopped caring after a while. 20 tries, 0 wins. It was terrible. Then Christina decided to try video bingo. She put in $5 and didn't really know what to do. It offered her four cards, so she said, "Oh, I get better chances with four cards, right?" And took them. She started up, and she just lost. Her money was gone in 30 seconds. We were all kinda confused as to how this happened so fast, and Christina was a little bummed. Meanwhile, Sunny won $67 on video poker. She was done for the night.
"Blackjack"
Then we went to play blackjack. This was the real gambling, and gave us the best stories. I started off by winning. The minimum bet is $2. I kept winning, and got myself up to +50 cents. My advice now is if you ever get up, you stop right then and there. Christina told me to stop there. I kept saying I would stop. But I kept going, and kept losing. It was terrible. I got to -10 and stopped. Zion, James, and Greg joined the table.
"Reese"
Meanwhile, Reese played a $25 hand of blackjack. He lost.
"The Waitress"
According to Scott, the best thing about gambling is the free sodas. The goal is to drink enough soda to balance your losses. So we ordered soda like mad. Christina went to play, and I told her to order bottled water, that I saw was going around. Okay, we ordered water. The waitress, this old chinese lady, comes and gives us the water. $1.10 she says. What? We ain't paying no dollar ten for water! Even though the Reservation water is a dubious white color, we aren't about to pay for drinks. So we dismiss her, and she is choke pissed at us. "This comes out of us! We suffer because of this!" Meaning it comes out of her paycheck. Jana gets choke pissed at this point, and is telling the lady to just get out of here already. So the lady leaves all angry, and cursing us. The curse did not work.
"James"
Zion and James kept playing. I came back in, and blew my last $7.50. I was out I thought, but I had a 2.50 slip from the video poker, since I put in 5, and lost 2.50. I went to get money, and tried to win it all back with 2.50. I sat to the left of James. I won the first hand, then lost the second hand. Then it was James time to shine.
James was down $30, and we were talking about how stupid we were. James gets dealt a 5. He I have a 3 and a 4, and Zion has a 3 and a 5. James hits. 7. Hit. 9. Hit. 16. Hit. 19. The dealer says if you get 7 cards 21 or under, you win $100. Me and Zion were like, "Nah, James. Look, you used up 3 twos already, don't do it." Then the lady next to us says, "Hey, you lose $4 or you win $100." James is like, "Shoots, it's my birthday." The Chinese lady dealer looks all pissed. "Alright then." She slides the card out all angry like, since we are discussing this so much. She picks it up, and slams it down. It's a f---in two. "AHHHHHHH!!!!! OH MY GOD!!" We start frickin screaming like crazy. All of us were there, and we are all jumping up and down and yelling. James gets up and starts dancing, "It's my birthday, it's my birthday!" The dealer is now choke pissed at us, and the whole casino is looking our way. We've taken their ettiquette and thrown it out the window. "QUIET! QUIET!" The dealer yells. But we don't care, cause James is a winner. This was the greatest gambling feat I have seen in my life.
"Asian Push 9"
We were going to leave, when we decided to check out this chinese room. We were confused. What the hell is this thing doing on an Indian Reservation? I want to see frickin Aztec designs, not Chinese motif. We went in curious. Inside, they were playing the strangest game I have ever seen. It involves a dealer, a player, people playing against the player, pokerish card playing, six numbered squares, and dice in a metal thing that makes choke noise. We stood there for 10 minutes trying to figure out this game. Then Scott asked this guy how to play. This was another highlight. Keep in mind, this guy has a Vietnamese accent, and is talking choke fast.
Crazy Vietnamese Guy -Hey man! It's easy! You just put your money down, and boom! Easy money!
Scott - How do you play?
CVG - Hey man! It's easy! You just put it down, get a flush, double it up, bam! You get in there, work your begginers luck, badabing! You win!
Scott- How do you play?
CVG - You roll it up, slam it down, get the cards. 50 / 50 chance man! You win easy! Big money, man! You can't think that you're losing money! You're donating to the Indians. That way, you bound to make it back! If you thinking you're losing, you lose! If you think you're donating, you win!
After 10 minutes of this, we realize he is not going to tell us how to play, but he does want us to play against him. It was funny.
"91 9/10 cents gas"
As we were going back, we realized we need to fill up gas for these rental cars. Scott saw a 92 cent gas thing on the way over. So he was determined to buy it. We passed the first one, but Scott wanted to wait to the second one. It was looking like we weren't going to find it. Christina said, "It's a generic named place," and just like that, over the horizon was Quik Gas or some generic name like that. We were all cheering. We filled up, and got 7.536 gallons for $7. This was Scott's highlight of the night.
"The Dubious U-ey"
Then we were off to Davis. We drove down, but we missed the turn. So we had to pull a U turn to get back. The other car realized the mistake further down the road, and turned around, and passed us on the other side of the road. Scott went over two lanes, blocking them both off, but there was a red light for left turns. "Go Scott!" we said. "No! I refuse to run a red!" "Scott! You're already illegally blocking two lanes! Just go!" "No! I've never run a red in my life!" Scott was being stubborn, but finally Jana made Scott go. He ran the red, and we were off. Scott was salty for the rest of the drive.
"We get back and My Dream"
We get back, and we shower, and we sleep. I had a dream that night. It starred me and Kala. We went to some kind of store and were trying to buy something. But the cashier was that same chinese lady that was mad at us for not buying the water! She started getting pissed at us, and yelling and such. For the first time ever in one of my dreams, I got pissed, and started yelling back at her for a good 5 minutes. I pretty much worked her, and we left the store with all the stuff we wanted.
"Now"
We get up, we eat, and we leave. And now I am in Berkeley. We just played IM soccer, but we only could use 5 people since we only had 2 girls. So we were down 7 to 5. We lost 3-2, which is decent considering we were down 2 people the whole game.
"Thanks"
I now give my thanks to people. Thank you Scott for the swipes and for the place to stay. Thank you Christina for saving me many times, coming up with good ideas, and being good luck for a little while at blackjack. Thank you Jana for taking us back home and getting Scott to go on the red light. And finally, thank you James, the birthday boy, for having this party, and for having the greatest gambling feat I have ever seen in my life.
That is a long Bip Report. So until next time, diamonds are forever, and so is Cache Creek.
BIP